10 things I DON'T Want to Hear in 2008

I'm going to devote most of December's entries to looking back on the year and some looking forward to next year. The easiest way to do this would be in a series of lists and the like. Some of these will be in a particular order, others notsomuch. What follows is the latter:

As great as some of the music in 2007 was, there were some awful stinkers too. I didn't realize this until I went to a dance this past weekend that seemed to have a small army of such songs. Some of these songs were decent for about 10 minutes, others begged for death on impact. Here's a small sampling of songs I sincerely hope fade into oblivion by year's end:

Britney Spears - Gimme More
The whole "It's Britney, Bitch" thing was funny for a good length of time, for no other reason then it was unexpected. It's too bad the song itself sucked. All the production and guest vocals in the universe couldn't have saved this piece of garbage. Every time this song comes on my friend Alex enjoys pointing out that the chorus sounds like it was spliced out of a deathmetal song (this is most notable whenever she sings the word "More") By all accounts the Britney Spears "comeback" was a disgrace to the music world, and if there's any mercy in this world it, like her, will fade into nothingness next year.

Soulja Boy Tell 'Em - Crank That (Soulja Boy)
Easily one of the most annoying things to come out of 2007. For starters rap songs with dance moves built in went out of style like 3 years ago, and for bonus suckage, when half of the people listening can't figure out what said dance is, you've got pure crap on their hands. Luckily this song is only half a notch better than the onslaught of "ringtone rap" that plagued us all this year (More on THAT later), so odds of this song going into the archives as a classic are slim to none.

Nickelback - Rockstar
As it is Nickelback is only tolerable in the smallest of doses before you want to throw something at your radio. This song has to crack into the upper echelons of Unintentional Comedy, whatwith the utterly ridiculous backing vocals that sound better in a porno than they do in a song like this. For added fun, despite my high tolerance for Nickelback, I certainly don't need to hear about Chad Kroeger's plans to get laid and piss away the money he claims to not have. Leave the tongue-in-cheek to Fall Out Boy, guys, and go back to crying over spilt milk.

Journey - Don't Stop Believin'
OK, now follow me on this one before you go apeshit. I love this song as much as any other cultured music fan. But 2007 saw this track get played more than usual. Between it suddenly becoming fair game at every dance, everyone and their brother's ringtone, that absurd mashup with "Promiscuous", and it's appearance on The Sopranos finale. We need to remember this song came out 25 years ago, and most of its contemporaries are ridiculed these days. Thus I call for "Don't Stop Believin'" to go on a one-year moratorium, so come 2009 we can truly appreciate its greatness once more.

Any song containing the words "Featuring T-Pain" in the title
As much as I love when two artists collaborate, it's getting out of hand. There have been more tracks featuring T-Pain to become hits than T-Pain has had himself. Some of these are actually pretty good (See: "Kiss Kiss" by Chris Brown"). Others are positively insufferable ("Cyclone") or just annoying ("Low"). If this trend keeps up, I'm going to personally start an investigation into whether or not T-Pain is the Devil and helping artists get hits in exchange for their souls. I'm not kidding, it's possible.

Three Days Grace - Never Too Late
Yawn. This one track pretty much sums up the whole angst-rock genre to such a degree that it might be time to call time of death on it. Give me something new, or get off the stage.

Shop Boyz - "Party Like A Rock Star"
This song embodies the biggest problem the music world faces; ringtone rap. Ringtone rap has no soul. There's no message behind it, and the lyrics are secondary, at best. All that matters here is an infectiously catchy hook and a sound that sounds good through the crappy speakers of a cell phone. It gives the likes of Kanye West a bad name. Not unlike the bubblegum pop of the '60s, there's nothing behind this except the desire to make a buck. It needs to go away. Now.

The Cast of "High School Musical"
Except Zac Efron. I'll let him stay, since he might actually have a career ahead of him. The rest of you...no...oh, God, please.....no.

American Idol Contestants not named Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, Bo Bice, and Chris Daughtry
Those four are the only ones to prove they have any legitimacy in the real world (looking at you, Taylor Hicks). Unless something drastic happens, the rest need to just fade away. And having said that, Bo Bice is on notice; this had BETTER be good.

Bono and/or Tom DeLonge doing anything that isn't singing
Enough with the preaching, now give me some good music dammit!

OK that's all for now. Back later this week.

==TJ==