We all have them. Those songs that we can't seem to escape, no matter how hard we might try. Once they're in our head, they stay there, and KEEP COMING BACK. We find ourselves singing them incessantly in our heads...and the worst part is...it's usually not the whole song!! Nope, it's just the same 30 second hook on a perpetual, hellish repeat in the brain. That, my friends, is the definition of a herpes song. As a general rule once or twice an otherwise harmless track reaches herpes song status. Recent examples include: "Smack That", "Don'tcha", and "Apologize", among others. Below I have 5 of my most annoying herpes songs. Note that this is more subjective than most Top 5's, simply because different songs affect people differently; these may not necessarily be the best examples of herpes songs, but they're 5 of the most immediately recognizable from recent memory.
5. J. Geils Band - Centerfold [iTunes]
Possibly the grandfather of herpes tracks. Most useful in eliminating other herpes tracks just by singing the "na-na nananana..." section of the bridge. Trust me; this has actually been tested. Also one of the rare rock songs that achieves this status.
4. Rihanna - Umbrella [iTunes]
This one only recently got contained, but we all remember last year when "ella, ella, ella...DAMMIT!!" could be heard from many a member of the general public. The difference is that this song might actually has a chance of being remembered fondly, whereas other herpes songs are the kind of thing that gets played by the DJ at a wedding as a joke for the sake of getting a collective groan out of the guests.
3. Soulja Boy Tell Em - Crank Dat (Soulja Boy) [iTunes]
Again, a song that was a full blown pandemic about a year ago. What makes this one so insufferable is the combined incoherence of the lyrics, mixed with one or two easily recognizable phrases, ie "Superman dat hoe!!". My friend Collin once had a most unfortunate affliction with this song, to the point that he now refers to the artist as "Fuckin' Soulja Boy!". Complete with the emphasis and everything.
(The version posted is the Travis Barker remix. Only one I can remotely stomach.)
2. Katy Perry - I Kissed A Girl [iTunes]
I probably added this track mostly because a) it's spreading rather rapidly right now, and b) it hit me earlier this week. Again, an easy chorus, moderately ridiculous lyrics and an infectious hook in the background helped this one spread, on top of the MySpace/YouTube craze that accompanied it.
(As with just about all of these save for #5, Web 2.0 can be traced back as the incubator for most of these herpes songs. If you were waiting for the other shoe to drop on the whole thing, I think it just did)
1. Amy Winehouse - Rehab [iTunes]
You guessed it. I once witnessed this song attack a house full of 20 people between the ages of 13-25 all in the same one week period. It was not pretty. All this had going for it was absurd lyrics, and it still reached worldwide epidemic proportions over the course of 6 months. If you didn't at some point find yourself saying "no, no, no" when people tried to make you do something, you're lying to yourself.
So there you have it. Of course there are others, possibly better than these. But these 5 are the ones that strike cringes in my heart with virtually little effort. Hell, since I had to download these tracks for the purposes of this blog, I've had a hard time keeping my ears from shriveling up. Never let it be said that put myself on the line for the good of the blog.
==TJ==
Showing posts with label Top 5. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Top 5. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Top 5: Album Openers
As I mentioned yesterday, I finally saw High Fidelity yesterday when it randomly showed up on cable at a time I could watch it. Admittedly I missed the first 20 minutes or so, but it was still effing brilliant. If you haven't seen the movie, all you need to know for this new series of posts is that while John Cusack and Jack Black sit around their vinyl shop they come up with all kinds of Top 5 lists. In that same spirit, I present the first of Viva La Mainstream's Top 5s. This topic for this one is taken straight from the movie, but my list is way different:
Top 5 Side 1, Track 1s (Or just track 1s, because CDs don't have two sides)
5. Foo Fighters - The Pretender [Echoes, Silence Patience and Grace]
Leave it to me to kick things off with the Foo Fighters. The role of the opening track is to come in firing, give you a track that you'll a) remember, and b) like enough to continue listening to the rest of the album. This is why a lot of albums lead off with the first single. "The Pretender" pulls off both jobs with extraordinary ease and fun. It's openers like this that show off why the Foo Fighters are great, and why Echoes, Silence, Patience and Grace is the best Foo Fighters album to date. Only thing keeping it from being higher is its young age and future potential.
4. Audioslave - Cochise [Audioslave]
Once again, an explosive track that demands inclusion in a list like this. The opening rumble builds an enormous suspense until Tom Morello's guitar riff breaks down the wall. From there it's all Chris Cornell and his raspy scream unmatched by anyone who dares try. And once you hit that final scream in the bridge ("And put the blame on me so you don't feel a thing"), the whole thing is sold. An incredible intro to an incredible album from a band that sadly peaked about a year later.
3. Nirvana - Smells Like Teen Spirit [Nevermind]
The first 9 seconds of this song alone warrant an appearance on this list. Enough has been made of this track that I don't think I really need to justify why it's on here. In fact, I'm sure someone out there is going to comment and tell me that this deserves to be nearer the top. Respectfully disagree; time has not really been kind to Nirvana as far as critics go. Looking back, Nirvana was a really good band, and "Smells Like Teen Spirit" a really great song, but I sincerely doubt it holds up as well as things that have come since it, and certainly doesn't hold a candle to the remaining two songs on this list.
2. The Beatles - Come Together [Abbey Road]
"Come Together" doesn't really pack the kind of punch that the previous tracks do, but it most certainly begs to be heard again and again. The Beatles took a turn into Eric Clapton territory to start off Abbey Road, and in so doing, started off one of the most memorable (though not necessarily the best) Beatles albums. It's subtle and subdued, and yet utterly arresting. If this song comes up on shuffle, more often than not I end up just letting the whole album play.
1. The Who - Baba O'Riley [Who's Next]
Takes the allure of "Come Together" and matches it with the combined explosive force of the remaining 3 tracks on this list. This song is everything that a opening track should be, and on top of it, it's just a great fucking song all around. This could have been buried near the end of Who's Next and it'd still be worth waiting to hear. The fact that this album is riddled with classics just means that hearing "Baba O'Riley" is a gateway into one of the best albums of the 70s. If I ever get around to my top 100 songs of eternity, you'd look for this at least in the top 20, if not higher.
That's it. Plan for these to happen about once a week, maybe every other week. If you think I'm full of shit on any of these albums, I invite and encourage you to tell me so in the comments, just know I'm going to back up my choice and may tell you you're wrong. Nothing personal, it's just about the music.
==TJ==
Top 5 Side 1, Track 1s (Or just track 1s, because CDs don't have two sides)
5. Foo Fighters - The Pretender [Echoes, Silence Patience and Grace]
Leave it to me to kick things off with the Foo Fighters. The role of the opening track is to come in firing, give you a track that you'll a) remember, and b) like enough to continue listening to the rest of the album. This is why a lot of albums lead off with the first single. "The Pretender" pulls off both jobs with extraordinary ease and fun. It's openers like this that show off why the Foo Fighters are great, and why Echoes, Silence, Patience and Grace is the best Foo Fighters album to date. Only thing keeping it from being higher is its young age and future potential.
4. Audioslave - Cochise [Audioslave]
Once again, an explosive track that demands inclusion in a list like this. The opening rumble builds an enormous suspense until Tom Morello's guitar riff breaks down the wall. From there it's all Chris Cornell and his raspy scream unmatched by anyone who dares try. And once you hit that final scream in the bridge ("And put the blame on me so you don't feel a thing"), the whole thing is sold. An incredible intro to an incredible album from a band that sadly peaked about a year later.
3. Nirvana - Smells Like Teen Spirit [Nevermind]
The first 9 seconds of this song alone warrant an appearance on this list. Enough has been made of this track that I don't think I really need to justify why it's on here. In fact, I'm sure someone out there is going to comment and tell me that this deserves to be nearer the top. Respectfully disagree; time has not really been kind to Nirvana as far as critics go. Looking back, Nirvana was a really good band, and "Smells Like Teen Spirit" a really great song, but I sincerely doubt it holds up as well as things that have come since it, and certainly doesn't hold a candle to the remaining two songs on this list.
2. The Beatles - Come Together [Abbey Road]
"Come Together" doesn't really pack the kind of punch that the previous tracks do, but it most certainly begs to be heard again and again. The Beatles took a turn into Eric Clapton territory to start off Abbey Road, and in so doing, started off one of the most memorable (though not necessarily the best) Beatles albums. It's subtle and subdued, and yet utterly arresting. If this song comes up on shuffle, more often than not I end up just letting the whole album play.
1. The Who - Baba O'Riley [Who's Next]
Takes the allure of "Come Together" and matches it with the combined explosive force of the remaining 3 tracks on this list. This song is everything that a opening track should be, and on top of it, it's just a great fucking song all around. This could have been buried near the end of Who's Next and it'd still be worth waiting to hear. The fact that this album is riddled with classics just means that hearing "Baba O'Riley" is a gateway into one of the best albums of the 70s. If I ever get around to my top 100 songs of eternity, you'd look for this at least in the top 20, if not higher.
That's it. Plan for these to happen about once a week, maybe every other week. If you think I'm full of shit on any of these albums, I invite and encourage you to tell me so in the comments, just know I'm going to back up my choice and may tell you you're wrong. Nothing personal, it's just about the music.
==TJ==
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