Top 5: Herpes Songs

We all have them. Those songs that we can't seem to escape, no matter how hard we might try. Once they're in our head, they stay there, and KEEP COMING BACK. We find ourselves singing them incessantly in our heads...and the worst part is...it's usually not the whole song!! Nope, it's just the same 30 second hook on a perpetual, hellish repeat in the brain. That, my friends, is the definition of a herpes song. As a general rule once or twice an otherwise harmless track reaches herpes song status. Recent examples include: "Smack That", "Don'tcha", and "Apologize", among others. Below I have 5 of my most annoying herpes songs. Note that this is more subjective than most Top 5's, simply because different songs affect people differently; these may not necessarily be the best examples of herpes songs, but they're 5 of the most immediately recognizable from recent memory.

5. J. Geils Band - Centerfold [iTunes]
Possibly the grandfather of herpes tracks. Most useful in eliminating other herpes tracks just by singing the "na-na nananana..." section of the bridge. Trust me; this has actually been tested. Also one of the rare rock songs that achieves this status.

4. Rihanna - Umbrella [iTunes]
This one only recently got contained, but we all remember last year when "ella, ella, ella...DAMMIT!!" could be heard from many a member of the general public. The difference is that this song might actually has a chance of being remembered fondly, whereas other herpes songs are the kind of thing that gets played by the DJ at a wedding as a joke for the sake of getting a collective groan out of the guests.

3. Soulja Boy Tell Em - Crank Dat (Soulja Boy) [iTunes]
Again, a song that was a full blown pandemic about a year ago. What makes this one so insufferable is the combined incoherence of the lyrics, mixed with one or two easily recognizable phrases, ie "Superman dat hoe!!". My friend Collin once had a most unfortunate affliction with this song, to the point that he now refers to the artist as "Fuckin' Soulja Boy!". Complete with the emphasis and everything.

(The version posted is the Travis Barker remix. Only one I can remotely stomach.)

2. Katy Perry - I Kissed A Girl [iTunes]
I probably added this track mostly because a) it's spreading rather rapidly right now, and b) it hit me earlier this week. Again, an easy chorus, moderately ridiculous lyrics and an infectious hook in the background helped this one spread, on top of the MySpace/YouTube craze that accompanied it.

(As with just about all of these save for #5, Web 2.0 can be traced back as the incubator for most of these herpes songs. If you were waiting for the other shoe to drop on the whole thing, I think it just did)

1. Amy Winehouse - Rehab [iTunes]
You guessed it. I once witnessed this song attack a house full of 20 people between the ages of 13-25 all in the same one week period. It was not pretty. All this had going for it was absurd lyrics, and it still reached worldwide epidemic proportions over the course of 6 months. If you didn't at some point find yourself saying "no, no, no" when people tried to make you do something, you're lying to yourself.

So there you have it. Of course there are others, possibly better than these. But these 5 are the ones that strike cringes in my heart with virtually little effort. Hell, since I had to download these tracks for the purposes of this blog, I've had a hard time keeping my ears from shriveling up. Never let it be said that put myself on the line for the good of the blog.

==TJ==