About to turn on the TV for the Grammy pregame stuff before kicking it to the actual event. I didn't watch last year, mostly cause I thought all the nominees were crap, except for the Red Hot Chili Peppers, who got shut out. Not really sure if I can predict anything in this year's set, but I know who I like, and I know who I'll spit blood at if they win (Looking at
you, Feist and Amy Winehouse). And with that, I've got enough snacks to induce a heart attack, my roommate Sean is here to assist, there's no work to be done for the next several hours...I think it's time we get started.
7:27: turn on CBS to find...Katie Couric interviewing Hillary Clinton. Well that sucks. Sean proceeds to see if we get E! on campus...only to get distracted by some garbage on NBC.
7:30: just scrambled through the channels and went digging for a channel listing, and from the looks of it, we don't get E! at Arcadia...so odds of pregame are looking kinda slim. That's a pain in the ass. Be back when the show itself starts.
7:35: Bingo. CBS is streaming some live stuff on their website...this might get hairy, but let's give it a shot. Kevin Frazier and some nameless girl are talking about the postgame parties and something that Akon will be doing afterward. that might or might not involve fighting.
7:37: Interviewing Taylor Swift now, nominated for Best New Artist. And apparently she's only 18, so I don't need to worry about the fact that I don't care about who she is. But she just said she likes the Foo Fighters and Kanye...might need to download a track a bit later.
7:39: Stream just went dark. F***ing internet...
7:40: Stream comes back in time for commericals. Just as well, the red carpet folks seem worse than average, and the odds of an interview with someone decent doesn't look too good, given that we're 19 minutes out.
7:41: CBS scored the rights to Dexter apparently, and for some reason it looks like they're gonna try to tie it in to CSI. Don't ask me, I just like the music.
7:42: Obligatory montage of people including John Legend, Christina Aguilera (I think), and for some reason our lovely people feel as though Evander Holyfield is worth talking to. But before he can talk to, our other set of interviewers interject 'cause they've got Seal...and the stream goes dead. Comes back, and Seal's being a glorified ad for who's performing. Rumor has it that Michael Jackson is in attendance...perhaps a performance? Do we really want this to happen?
7:45: Seal talking about wife Heidi Klum and her singing and a battle with laryngitis (as if anyone watching gives a damn about how she
sings). Stream dies.
7:46: Sean and I talk about the rumored Michael Jackson performance. We also note that neither of us have seen him perform during our lifetime. Neither of us know if this is a good or bad thing.
Sean: "I guess that's the one good thing about Britney Spears being in the news all the time; Michael Jackson's out of it"
7:50: The Mayor of LA just talked to one of the guys, just in time to drop a few names and close out the pregame show. Stream's being funky...and the last thing we get is the signoff. Guess I'll be back in 10 when the show starts for real.
The good news is now I'm not bouncing between two Firefox windows to try to see what's happening. CBS remains intent on showing the tail end of
60 Minutes, since Mickey Rooney probably has something to rant about that the world must hear, I guess.
7:53: turning around so I can see the action for real. Grammy commercial just aired. When did we name him "The Sensational Kanye West"??
7:55: Mickey Rooney is in a sports store buying Giants and/or Pats gear (the tape was recorded before the Super Bowl). THIS is what they're not giving me Grammy pregame for...wow...
7:56: Apparently Rooney went to the game too...but dammit if he didn't look bored as all hell. His closing thought? The Patriots should say they're from Boston. Truly Pulitzer-worthy journalism once again.
7:58: Back to back ads for
CSI:Miami and New York...can we get a trifecta?
Nope. Without a Trace instead. If you didn't guess, I'm watching CBS right now.
7:59: During the credits for
60 Minutes they show an ad for
Jericho. If you never watched the show, go rent the 1st season...it's incredible. So happy that it got renewed for 7 more episodes. Beats the cliffhanger the show was supposed to end on.
As I go back and fix a typo let me preface the rest of this diary by saying I'm not looking at the screen (I have a desktop so I can't see that and the TV...sue me). So please forgive any screwups, I'm trying to keep things clean though.
8:02: We have a start. How should the 50th Grammy Awards start? The same way every award show starts: a montage of previous Grammy moments. Or maybe just one clip and in comes Alicia Keys singing with a old video of Frank Sinatra. Don't know how I feel about this. We have one of our nominees singing with a video of a legend?
8:04: Keys is singing with the old video of Sinatra, but there's a full orchestra playing live. WTF??!! What kind of a slap in the face is this to the legendary musicians
who are still alive??8:06: A pan across the crowd shows us Patton Oswalt (according to Sean) and Yoko Ono. Alicia Keys welcomes us with another obligatory speech about how wonderful everything is. "We look forward towards the future...Here's to another 50 years". The RIAA just spit blood a little bit.
8:08: Carrie Underwood gets things started with a
Stomp influenced version "Before He Cheats". Game on! Sean scoffs, but I'm sold. Not a huge fan of Underwood...but it's friggin' STOMP!!!
8:10: Sean still not a fan, but he likes the Stomp. Keep in mind Sean is an indie fanatic. Underwood herself is a bit static right now given what's happening behind her, but it's a network awards show, what can you expect?
8:11: "Before He Cheats" goes into its final bars...and we have the first performance of the night worth bootlegging.
8:11: Apparently they already named some of these awards as Prince is announced as a winner. He announces the Female R&B nominees. No song is particularly impressive to me, but I can't stand "No One".
8:12: But of course it wins. Not before Prince makes a failed attempt at a joke. AS Keys thanks God, Sean decides to keep tabs on thanks to "the G-Man". Yup...gonna be a good diary tonight. Keys thanks the radio DJs...there's hope for me yet in 20 years...
8:14: They appear to be showing some predetermined awards while they plug some of the upcoming performances, but the TV is too far away and the font is garbage, so i have no idea what they're supposed to be.
8:17: when did it become socially OK to use Queen's "You're My Best Friend" to advertise something? Isn't that universally considered one of their lamest songs ever? It also says something when the song is in an ad for an electronic product (didn't see what).
8:18: Sean and I debate who's more annoying: Abagail Breslin (
Definitely, Maybe) or Dakota Fanning. I say Fanning is the next Lindsay Lohan. Sean hopes she just fades into obscurity.
8:20: The Time just kicked into their reunion performance. No one below the age of 30 cares, unless they REALLY like
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. It's one thing for a band from the 80s to reunite, but its different like they're still there.
8:21: The Time get interrupted by Rihanna, doing a disco twinged version of "Umbrella". Wow...this is not OK. And oh look, the girls had umbrellas!!! Ain't that cute?
8:22: Rihanna looks like Prince. Just sayin'...
I think the guy from
Step Up was just dancing with Rihanna during her least impressive single yet? Correction: there were 2 of said guy...and we're back to the Time. Was that a segue or what?
8:25: There must be some rule that says Tom Hanks MUST be at every awards ceremony EVER. Unless I'm forgetting about some great album Hanks recorded. Oh yeah, and he's talking about The Band winning a Lifetime Acheivement Award. This would mean more if they weren't given out like they were going out of style. Hell, they don't even get a chance to be on stage. And now Hank is intro'ing the Beatles tribute as the camera goes in on Ringo, Yoko and two others. Tom Hanks is now reaching epic levels of excitement.
8:29: Cirque Du Soleil is doing their piece of "A Day in the Life" from
LOVE. And I'm all out of LSD. Damn!
Full disclosure: I've never been a big fan of Cirque du Soleil...and this just looks like a deleted scene from
Across the Universe. Meanwhile Sean and I debate which Beatle will die next (I say Paul), and who was the best.
8:33: The
Across the Universe version of "Let it Be" is next up. Actually the original performers from the movie. I yell at Sean for not seeing the movie. As much as I skip this track on the CD, I like it anytime I see it. The song doesn't work as well when it's just heard, methinks. I'm still bummed that they couldn't get Jim Sturgess and Evan Rachel Wood to do "All You Need Is Love", but I'll live. Probably not eh worst performance of the night, but not actively memorable.
8:36: We consider Miley Cyrus a legitimate artist now? This physically hurts me a bit. The Best New Artist award is up next. GO PARAMORE!!!
8:37: AMY WINEHOUSE??!! WHAT??!! Of course she can't accept the award, she's too busy stoned and couldn't get a visa!!! ROBBED!!!
Meanwhile Sean is too busy wondering about Cyndi Lauper's accent. I'm inexplicably pissed now. 0 for 2 on my picks now. Curses. He redeems himself by being equally pissed about Winehouse's win, but he was rooting for Feist.
8:39: Jason Bateman was talking about the My Grammy Moment with the Foos during that rant. Dear Dave Grohl, why did you let your band sign up for this terrible idea? Bad ideas all over the place...but Jason Bateman has been the funniest thing of the night so far.
8:41: Commercial break means its time for popcorn. Back in a bit.
8:46: Back with popcorn, and still pissed about the Winehouse win. Do we have odds on her sobriety during her performance?
8:47: Daft Punk and Kanye performing "Stronger" now. Say what you will about Kanye and his attitude, but his music is damned peerless. I remember when I first liked Kanye; First Grammys performance of "Jesus Walks".
Kanye West - Jesus Walks [
iTunes]
Kanye West - Stronger [
iTunes]
West looks like he just came out of
Tron, and I'm pretty sure he was doing the robot earlier. Either way, he's the second best performance of the night (I'm still loving the Carrie Underwood piece).
8:50: I think West has established that "this is what we been waitin' for" as Daft Punk finally get their due for being in the background of this song. The glow-in-the-dark bit gets old just as the song ends, thankfully. West segues into "Hey Mama", appropriate given his mother's passing.
8:53: Say what you will about West's ego, but he's pushing back tears right now...different side of Kanye and I love it. He might not win a Grammy tonight, but people'll still remember him tomorrow.
8:55: Most emotionally charged song gets followed up with...
Fergie. Correction:
3-Time Grammy Winner Fergie...with John Legend. I'm trying to like this song since I'm OK with John Legend, but my dislike for Fergie is prevailing.
Sean: "I'm half-expecting them to turn this into a remix of 'My Humps'"
8:58:
LOVE wins the Best Soundtrack Category. I was pulling for
Across the Universe, but this was the compilation prize since now Ringo gets stagetime.
9:00: Not liking the way they're showing pre-announced winners...too hard to seem, and thus too hard for me to make fun of. I just know Carrie Underwood won something for "Before He Cheats"
9:01: Sean goes looking online for Amy Winehouse fan groups, since neither of us know of anyone who likes her. Too bad we can't check sobriety over the internet. Apparently the only thing he found is a blog with two posts, last updated September. Once again, the Grammys show they have their finger on the pulse of the music world.
Just had a flashback to an old episode of
Sports Night where one of the two leads admits to liking the Starlight Vocal Band, who were Best New Artist in the day. Clearly nothing has changed.
9:06: Dear Cher, just because
we make fun of your age, doesn't mean its cool for
you too. Love, society.
Meanwhile Beyonce doesn't look like she every changed out of her outfit from her
Sports Illustrated covershoot as she drops names of 60s female soul artists to intro Tina Turner.
9:08: Sean: "I didn't realize I turned on WJJZ (local jazz station). The sadder part? I know all the words to ["What's Love Got To Do With It?]"
9:11: Beyonce and Tina Turner are gearing up to do "Proud Mary". I'm pretending to not hear this. In my mind, only one band did that song.: CCR.
Creedence Clearwater Revival - Proud Mary [
iTunes]
9:13: This is hurting. Why are we letting young artists do songs from 30 years ago? I would much rather see these two "Irreplaceable". And I'm not a huge fan of that one either. Points for performance value, but B- on the song choice.
9:16: Song of the Year getting named now. Rooting for "Hey There Delilah" but odds aren't looking good.
9:17: DAMMIT!!! SON OF A BITCH!!! "Rehab" again!!??
9:18: It's official: Amy Winehouse will herein be known as Amy Cokewhore. I think it works.
9:22: A couple things can save this night: one is if the Foos wreck shop. and one is if Cokewhore performs beyond wasted.
9:23: The "cute Asian" (Sean's words) win the top slot playing with the Foo. And now the Foo play which means I stop typing for 5 minutes.
9:29: Back, and now there are TWO performances to be bootlegged. Of course the Foo Fighters were incredible. Please don't ask me to pick between that and Underwood's bit. The orchestra was positively epic, and that was the best Foo live performance I've ever seen. And according to Jason Bateman, the Foo already had one win tonight. Jason Bateman has definitely been the MVP of the night so far.
9:34: What goes on in Will Ferrell's mind that leads him to think that a movie like
Semi-Pro is a good idea? Can we remove that part of his brain? Please?
9:35: George Lopez opens up his bit with.....racist comedy. Lovely. And he introduces the country act. Yeah, there's logic in that.
Sean: "Hey look, another country rocker in a cowboy hat."
Another one I'm trying to enjoy, but I'm well past my country phase. And I'm pretty sure this song is likening sex to checking a girl for ticks. Only in country music, people...
9:39: Sean is curious whether checking for ticks is an effective pickup line.
Sean: "I think he's only into girls with pubic lice"
Segue to Chris Brown, Solange and Akon for Best Rap Album, and an obligatory joke about parents understanding.
9:41: Best Rap Album...Kanye West for
Graduation. A nuclear disaster may have just been averted. Sean is criticizing the oversized sunglasses while West rambles on and argues with the conductor playing him off.
9:43: West just OWNED the conductor as he talks about his mom. Just when things coulda gotten ugly, it gets really good. 50 points to both Kanye AND the conductor for not making things worse.
9:45: As Aretha comes in there's a giant cross lit up. Mention number 2 for God tonight (Sean's keeping score). Not impressed with this number. Nice thought, not particularly memorable though.
9:51: Aretha again. This has gone on too long...
9:57: Celine Dion with a special on CBS. This needs to not happen. What's wrose is that she's with artists who are weak enough as it is. And somehow she thinks her covering these songs will make them good. Strike Two. Ugh.
10:00: 2 and a half hours of blogging, and Feist is on now. Sean's transfixed, and I'm ready for a power nap. Scratch that; Feist was with Broken Social Scene??!! Never listened to them, but suddenly I care just a bit more. Not enough to like her, but still. I think sales of Ambien might plummet after people hear this song.
10:02: Even Sean admits the Feist song was weak. I don't know who they just intro'd (someone who won one of the first Grammys)...but Kid Rock is now accompanying her. What kind of world are we living in when we let a supposed legend sing with Kid Rock? ANd he just called that little old lady sexy. Good God have we lost all good taste.
10:05: Best Rock Album up now. Rooting for Springsteen or the Foo.
10:06: Foo Fighters pick up another! YES! The night is not yet lost. With all due respect to Sean (rooting for Wilco...bleck), the Grammys make the first right call of the night. "The Pretender" won hard rock performance, so that's 2 for 5 right now. Game on.
Foo Fighters - The Pretender [
iTunes]
10:08: They seem to think I'm excited for Cokewhore's performance. If I'm excited for anything, it's to see if she shoots up on stage! GAH!
10:11: Just had my first taste of the new Mary J Blige song via a car commercial. Bette than I remember her being in the past. Perhaps a download for later...
10:13: Let the record show that the new CBS Monday is AWESOME. not just awesome...AWESOME. Don't forget this people.
Sean on Stevie Wonder's appearance and subsequent applause: "They're cheering so he knows he's not in an empty room." Dude, you're SO going to hell.
10:15: Alicia Keys gets a second performance of the night so she can do "No One" on top of the intro. Favoritism much? At least she's dressed and sounding better than she did at the Super Bowl. Who knows, with another 30 million plays, this song might get good.
10:18: John Mayer comes in for a guitar solo and makes the song a keeper. Bootleg #3 of the night.
10:20: Why are Ringo and Dave Stewart intro'ing the Country category? Missing the logic here. Sean says they all sound the same.
Vince Gill wins it, but I (still) don't care. So far every AotY nominee has won their genre. This might get ugly later on...
10:23: The makers of
Godzilla and
The Day After Tomorrow present another film with decent CGI, unintentionally funny dialog, and plenty of potential to show up on channel 347 six months from now (this one's called
10,000 BC).
10:26: After seeing a Big Brother ad, I must ask: What the hell is a "Dirty Jersey"?
10:29: Obligatory break for "Rhapsody in Blue"
10:33: Sean informs me that Flight of the Conchords win a Grammy for comedy album (beat out Geroge Lopez, thank God), and Barack Obama wins for spoken word. Game on.
10:36: Best Rap song collab is up next...T-Pain in there twice, and whiffs as "Umbrella" takes it. Loving this bit of Rihanna speaking and Jay-Z translating. I think Jay-Z might be climbing the ranks on my list of most appreciated rap artists.
Rihanna - Umbrella (feat. Jay-Z) [
iTunes]
10:43: Amy Cokewhore takes the stage via satellite. I can't tell if she's dancing or trying to stand up straight and failing.
10:47: She segues into "Rehab" and I'm still trying to find a reason to like her. I'm estimating her BAL at about .04. Much lower than I anticipated. She still screams like a tonedeaf banshee, but at least she wasn't high...sadly.
10:51: Tony Bennett and Natalie Cole are naming the Record of the Year after giving Doris Day a Lifetime Award. "The Pretender" is my favorite, but I'm hoping for NOT "Rehab".
10:52: And I fail. "Rehab" again. She's definitely slurring her words and grasping her mum while she thanks any number of people. Not looking good for Foo Fighters to win AotY now. It'd be best to keep all sources of fire and all small children away from me for the next few hours.
11:00: Head of the recording industry announces all the things they're working on, then offers a backhanded shot at music pirates, then offers up a kid who was apparently on the Grammys many years ago as a kid, now a nominee. I would have had a better description than that but my dad IMed me about something.
11:03: Annual montage of musicians who died. The guy from Boston died?? Bummer. Hate to say it, but he's the only guy I find myself caring much about. And no mentions of Casey Calvert or the guy from Quiet Riot...that's garbage.
11:07: I think the Josh Groban/Andrea Bocelli piece would work better if it were one or the other. Neither of them are bad, I just think they both work better solo. Sean agrees.
11:15: Grammy takes a turn for classic rock with Little Richard, Jerry Lee Lewis, and John Fogerty from CCR. As much as I like the sound, I can't understand a word Fogerty is saying. Jerry Lee Lewis doesn't look like he can move anything except his jaw and his fingers. The energy in this performance is falling everytime I see Lewis.
11:20: Enter Little Richard, who looks the same now as he did 15 years ago. A little bit more energy from Richard, but Fogerty is stealing the show right now.
11:26: My friend Sam Keeler offers up the following: SCREW AMY WINEHOUSE. She also likens the current situation to Norah Jones a few years ago. Meanwhile will.i.am is singing something that I'm managing to forget as he's singing it.
11:29: Usher announces Producer of the Year, and now they're at AotY...Praying to the Gods on High right now...forget the Foos...anything but Cokewhore.
11:30: WHAT??!!?? Herbie Hancock? Seriously?Well THAT was anticlimactic. I guess giving it to the Cokewhore would've sent the wrong message, Vince Gill was too dry, Kanye didn't need the ego boost, and the Foo Fighters, well, God forbid we give it to a modern artist??!! And now Hancock is going Barack Obama on us....bleck. He sounds like an African American Artist has NEVER won a Grammy before.
Well, I suppose as per my rule I need to give this album a shot, no matter how much I don't want to. Before I wrap things up, let's go through what we take away from the night:
Cokewhore: 3 Grammys
Foo Fighters: 2
God References: ~3 (Sean stopped counting)
Times TJ wanted to punch small children: 3
Memorable Performances: 3 (Carrie Underwood, Foo Fighters, Alicia Keys/John Mayer)
MVP: Jason Bateman for being the presenter with the most personality.
Worst speech: Tie between Cokewhore and Herbie Hancock
Best speech: Kanye West, for OWNING the conductor.
See you all later.
==TJ==
PS If you don't get the reference in the title of this entry,
watch this video.
